7 p.m.: All I eat for dinner is the internet. It tastes awful.
AFTER MIDNIGHT: GREMLIN TIME. I Google the words “can you be addicted to Snapple Mango Madness” and come upon a bunch of pregnant women talking about the new sinister hold that Snapple has on them. If it turned out I were pregnant and the only symptom I had was that I was suddenly addicted to Snapple and I wanted to drink ten a day until a pure tropical baby fell out of me, this would be the best ad campaign Snapple ever had. I better get started. I drink a Snapple Mango Madness.